Male-Female Spirituality
Masculine spirituality is risk-oriented, as is faith. Feminine spirituality is security-oriented, as is faithfulness.
Theologically correct masculinity is the ability to merge the voice of male and female thought into an active synthesis of articulation and action while not abandoning the role of the male as a taker who gives of self, out of love.
Theologically correct femininity encourages risk with wisdom, while not abandoning the role of a woman as a giver who requires respect.
My interest in learning how we are to live together as male and female is driven by the thought that our failure to do so is responsible for most of the violence that permeates human history and our daily lives. The male-female relationship is presented in scripture’s garden story as essential for the well-being of both genders; it is presented as the relational dynamic where the image of God is best reflected for all to see.
27 So God created humankind in his image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
(Genesis 1:27)
Gender has no impact on the image of God that belongs to us as human beings. Gender does not limit or affect the ability of one gender to live out or reflect the image of God over the other. Male or female we bear the image of God equally; together we learn to display that image for others and if done well it has the power to release us from the violent trappings of history.
Perhaps the use of the metaphor bride of Christ is indicative of the possibility that an idyllic relationship between a man and a woman is possible; of course, the dynamics of forgiveness and mercy would also be present. Reality is relational, if our relationships as males and females are dysfunctional then all the socio-cultural dynamics of life are affected; as is our relationship to God. Understanding our gendered differences as male and female is the bedrock for creating a just world.
My concern for this particular subject of male-female relationship has influenced some of my best readings of scripture; this is particularly so in my chapter on the declension of the female voice in the book of Judges found in Interpretive Adventures.
We are first of all creatures, secondly, we are called to be spirit and to learn to live with our creatureliness while gaining insight (wisdom) for living out God’s image as male and female. Understanding our gendered creatureliness is essential for us to properly form healthy relationships with God and one another. How our spirituality is expressed in the world is, in part, derived from our specific gender.
Masculine spirituality is risk-oriented because males are takers. The confrontation of a hostile environment entails risk. Because we live in a hostile environment, males have been created to take from the ground all the resources it offers for life to flourish. This includes the production of food, mining the ground, and caring for the natural environment. The male takes a woman’s virginity. A male cannot be a virgin, does not suffer a menstrual cycle; women give, men take. The male trait of taking is susceptible to sliding into violence. It is the female’s empathic sensuousness that invites the male to use his strength for preserving and nurturing life. Making the world a secure place for women and children is the male’s first calling from God.
Feminine spirituality is security-oriented. Women give their bodies to men, and need security for birthing and raising children. Of course, the care for children is a mutual task but it initially belongs to the mother through the task of nursing. Nursing women give the sustenance from their bodies to children. Women are sensuous. The sensuousness of women is their femininity, it is also the empathic part of their giving nature; women possess greater empathy than males. The ability of women to release their emotions enables them to live longer than men. The empathic nature of women lends to their communication skills for providing consolation to others when they are hurting.
The sensuousness of women also leads to anxiety. Their concerns for security and rich empathy brings many worries. It is in the movement to spirit, the seeking of God that releases the female’s anxiety. It is for this reason women are often more open to spirituality.[i] A simple observation of church attendance displays a noticeably larger number of women than men.
Women are objects of male desire and this is the sexual aspect of their femininity. Desire is an early motif in the scripture. In spite of the pain of childbirth (to be understood as a gift that bonds a woman to her child) women desire their husbands. However, the bonding pain of childbirth is (like the man’s task to take) meaningful in a hostile world. Women are guardians of life, first in their bodies, then in their protection and care for their children. Men leave women and the woman will raise her children alone with greater economic challenges than a male, she will produce a sense of security for her children.
How we understand the desire in the woman toward the man is crucial, yet, I think a multi-nuanced understanding is needed and applicable. This is so because the numerous observable behaviors in women towards men reflect a multi-nuanced meaning for the female desire for the male.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children,
yet your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you.”
17 And to Adam he said,
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife,
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
(Genesis 3:16-18)
The wisdom of the writer(s), compilers, and redactors of Genesis produced these insightful, meaningful, scriptural stories that we look to for understanding. In this piece, the disjunction in the male-female relationship is caused by the female’s desire to rule over the male. Of course, this is directly related to her need for security that is in conflict with the male tendency (need) for risk. The redeeming power of pain in childbirth with all the risk of life that accompanies it serves to bond the woman to the child and acquaint her with the blessing of risk.
The failure of Adam, heeding the voice of his wife and eating the forbidden fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, requires sweat in order to take from the ground. The woman experiences pain in giving (birth) and the man experiences the hardship (sweat) of taking from the ground. However, women desire males as objects to rule over, this causes conflict and results in a dominant male response.
The Genesis story has exposed our disfunction and enables us to identify it so that in the process of insight, and in the effort to become spirit, we may learn together to rule over our desires together. To do so requires acceptance of our creatureliness and grace to overcome the perennial conflict of our existence. Perhaps, the response of laughter is preferable to the response of sorrow and tears in this instance when creaturely instinct meets insight’s wisdom and faith’s spirit.
The male must give his self to the female in understanding and love. The female needs respected for her giving and in response to receiving it will feel (sensuousness) wholeness.
Women want to know that the male’s tendency for risk is wise and faith-oriented. Males need to respect the giving nature of women and incorporate the female’s wisdom into his need to express his faith with risk. I am fond of saying that the world doesn’t work without women, we need their voice, their wisdom and their self-giving love to image God. It is in loving and respecting the female that the male’s faith becomes relational rather than dominating.
Life comes at us quickly and we rush towards it headlong facing the conflictual realities of being human, the difference of being male and female. We all must learn through experience and listen for the words of the wise. I’ve outlived my first wife to begin a new relationship with a beautiful woman of wisdom and experience, of faith and struggle.
We both have grown children. We have both given ourselves to ensure our children would do well in the world. I have twelve grandchildren. We have both traveled and lived abroad. I’ve learned languages for academic use, and basic conversation. She speaks numerous languages. I am a writer, a poet, and a theologian. She is an artist, an international chef and a polyglot. We have both learned to live alone. We both decided we did not want to live the rest of our lives alone.
I’ve learned a few things along the way. I’ve learned to give and let go of any tendency toward being dominant. I’ve learned to listen and to always let her know I do not want to hurt her in any way. She knows that I respect her for her life, her wisdom and her willingness to give.
I’ve learned my imaging of God is dependent upon a growing and maturing relationship with her. She encourages my risk-oriented faith with her wisdom and balances it with her need for security, knowing that together we will move forward in faith because it is in this place of unity that faith and image display spirit and meet God.
Grace is love’s first emotion and promises born of conviction are love’s maturation. Grace is always empowering whether from God or another person. Grace says, “I believe in you”, it sees beyond the frailty that marks our personality, our awareness of reality, it is life-giving.
Love doesn’t bloom without promises.
I will never use anger, or cause hurt, or fail to listen.
The Lord, who listened to women’s voices, has set the rhythm of life. There is no dance without women!
[i] Kierkegaard writes more thoroughly on this subject than I offer in this essay. I am indebted to the writings of Kierkegaard for inspiring many of my thoughts. I have read all of his books and journals and taught courses on his writings.
