This poem is a reflection on loss, family, aging, and faith. It is born of my personal life, Yet, life is more complicated than a poem.The tragic mental breakdown and slow suffering death of their beloved mother weighed heavy on us. Her story is more than they know and although I saw it, it was more than I. My relationship with each one of my middle aged offspring is vastly different due to life’s blessings, challenges, and circumstances. I love each of them with a depth they do not yet know. I know that I have not always made them happy with my choices or my view on life. I do not think they have grasped the life and person I have been separate from their coming into the world. This is, in part, due to the separation of generational experience. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. I can only say everyone should be blessed to have children as wonderful as mine!
Changes Ahead
I think I’ll walk this way
It is not where I walked before
There is no going back
I don’t want to go back
Life is lived forwards
If it is understood backwards
Then I must walk this way
Farewell to all before
After all, you, my children, left me alone
It all rests on me
It’s okay my shoulders are broad
Perhaps my call, is to just be me?
A book, a poem, a story told
Honestly, I don’t mind being apart
Let me alone, for God has touched me
Long ago before you were born
Momma’s memory cannot bring me home
She died, with God’s blessing, I found new love
Like John, I’ve lived too long
It’s all dragons and redemption mixed in metaphor
Let the oil boil, I’ve been here before
A mythical voice can never be silenced
He spoke to me long ago, before you were born
I walked on water; it was just a few steps
but I walked on water!
I heard him speak; it was just a few words
but, I heard him speak!
I’ll live on, until I’m gone
I found a love for all the trouble I’ve borne
I have no chains
I’m free to live, to love, to laugh
Love me or hate me
but you cannot confine me to the past
I’ll go forward into arms out-stretched for us all
You never owned me
I was always on loan
