This poem is a reflection on loss, family, aging, and faith. It is born of my personal life, Yet, life is more complicated than a poem.The tragic mental breakdown and slow suffering death of their beloved mother weighed heavy on us. Her story is more than they know and although I saw it, it was more than I. My relationship with each one of my middle aged offspring is vastly different due to life’s blessings, challenges, and circumstances. I love each of them with a depth they do not yet know. I know that I have not always made them happy with my choices or my view on life. I do not think they have grasped the life and person I have been separate from their coming into the world. This is, in part, due to the separation of generational experience. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. I can only say everyone should be blessed to have children as wonderful as mine!

Changes Ahead

I think I’ll walk this way

It is not where I walked before

There is no going back

I don’t want to go back

Life is lived forwards

 

If it is understood backwards

Then I must walk this way

Farewell to all before

After all, you, my children, left me alone

 

It all rests on me

It’s okay my shoulders are broad

Perhaps my call, is to just be me?

A book, a poem, a story told

Honestly, I don’t mind being apart

 

Let me alone, for God has touched me

Long ago before you were born

Momma’s memory cannot bring me home

 

She died, with God’s blessing, I found new love

Like John, I’ve lived too long

It’s all dragons and redemption mixed in metaphor

Let the oil boil, I’ve been here before

A mythical voice can never be silenced

 

He spoke to me long ago, before you were born

I walked on water; it was just a few steps

but I walked on water!

I heard him speak; it was just a few words

but, I heard him speak!

 

I’ll live on, until I’m gone

I found a love for all the trouble I’ve borne

I have no chains

I’m free to live, to love, to laugh

Love me or hate me

but you cannot confine me to the past

 

I’ll go forward into arms out-stretched for us all

You never owned me

I was always on loan